Musings of an Empath

I would give someone friendship. Too often do people focus on the material things in this world and forget about what makes all of us human. One of the things that makes us human is the need for relationships (not just the romantic kind) and having a good friend can seriously change a person's life. For some people, it can even be the difference between life and death.

In other news, it is snowing.

Suffering is such a blessing in disguise. As humans, we feel pain and that's just a fact of life. As an empath, I am able to feel pain and suffering from other people. Normally, this would lead to such a dreary (and dark) existance, but I feel quite the opposite of that most of the time.

Why is this the case? Because you can't really and truly know what another person might be feeling if you haven't been through something similar yourself. So many people will never be able to know anything beyond what they experience with their own five senses and I pity them.Until you realise what someone is going through, it is really difficult to help them.

It is really shocking to see someone my age (I'm in my early twenties) die unexpectedly. Death is something that is for "old people" or people who are terminally ill. But for a childhood friend to suddenly die in an accident of some sort (whether it's a drug overdose or an automobile accident or something else entirely)? That's when it seems to be unfair. That person was barely able to start really living their life. They probably would've had at least thirty to fifty years left to live... college to graduate, a job to have, a significant other to marry, children...

But instead, Death comes knocking at their door. That cold gleam in his eyes would shake anyone to the core of their existence and scare them out of what few wits they had left. He comes in the dead of night or in the harsh lighting of day and she's able to scream for help, no one can come in time to save her.

And the people (her friends and family) who are left alive in this world are forced to wonder why.

I guess... I am just really not sure what to say right now. Maybe my thoughts will be a bit more clear tomorrow or the next day or the day after that.

If anything at all, I would describe myself as "insecure". I know that I have some sort of special ability, though I don't know if my ability is strictly empathic. Aside from using the word insecure, I'd describe myself as "new". I really am... new to all of this, I mean. I only really started to come aware of whatever abilities I have this summer when a friend of mine was going through a difficult time. We had only known each other for about six months or so when she helped me out of what was probably, at some level, depression. I suppose seeing her in trouble was what woke up the abilities I have.

Over the past few weeks, more odd things have been happening. The other night, I was watching a movie for class and in the middle of the movie, I got a really bad headache. It wasn't a regular headache (you know, the kind that'll just go away with 400 mg of ibuprofen... or whatever your drug of choice happens to be), but it was one of those "oh my gosh... something is very wrong" headaches. This morning, my mom called me and told me that my grandfather had been hospitalised due to a stroke a couple of hours before I got the headache. I know this may seem like a rather large leap, but I wonder if these two things were somehow connected. I do not believe in coincidences... a close friend of mine told me that everything has to happen for a reason, even if we don't know what that reason is.

Last night, it was a similar happening, only I was lying on the couch, about to fall asleep. All of a sudden, I started to feel physically ill and completely inindated with something. I don't know what it was, as my roommate had gone to bed about an hour before and was fast asleep. I ended up calling one of my friends, who was able to get me to calm down some. *sigh* And... I've had a sort of "emotional hangover" (I guess that's what you could call it... it feels like how I imagine a hangover from being drunk would, only without the vomiting and it's slightly different) all day.

I guess I just don't know what to make of any of this anymore. Oh well, I should probably sign off before I say something that I may regret later. I did originally tell Dani that I wouldn't be on my computer at all today, other than what was absolutely necessary for class... <_<

Someone posed the question to me about how we decide to keep the Sabbath holy and set apart from any other day of the week. This is the response I gave. I know it's probably not completely biblical, but please understand where I am coming from and make sure you read the last paragraph...

Is there anything that specifically says that you have to hold Sabbath on a particular day of the week? It's really hard to stay focused on God throughout the entire day (no matter which day of the week it is) and not go do other stuff. One thing that I've found that helps me more than trying to devote the entire day of Sunday to prayer and worship is to spend about an hour each morning and half an hour each evening (plus random times throughout the day) in prayer or reading my Bible. (The church that I go to has a nifty little thing where you can listen to someone read the Bible aloud to you online, so I like to do that when I am getting ready for school in the mornings.)

I think that staying focused on God throughout the week is a lot more beneficial than just devoting one day a week to him. I've had a lot of personal issues with what most people refer to as "Sunday morning Christians" (but I prefer the term "plastic people", taken from the song by Casting Crowns) and spending a slightly shorter amount of time each day has helped me stay closer to God during the almost five years that I refused to go to church (at the church and the Christian school I used to go to, I was hurt by a lot of what people said and how they acted) than forcing myself to go to church and spend the entire day thinking about God.

I'm the kind of person whose mind keeps running and won't settle down, so a lot of the time (I've started doing this more on Sundays, but I also tend to do it when I'm walking to school or to the grocery store), I'll just start telling God what's on my mind. This includes venting if I need to vent (if I recall correctly, I was so frustrated with him a few weeks ago that I actually cussed him out...) and just being as honest as I can, no matter what that looks like.

If I tried to do the thing where I completely immersed myself in God and spending time with other Christians on Sundays for the entire day, I can see two possible outcomes, neither of which would be beneficial. First, a lot of the Christians I've known are incredibly fake, which makes me very uneasy and even more annoyed and angry about going to church. This would most certainly be counterproductive. The second scenario that I can see happening is similar to the feeling a lot of people get when they come home from a Christian camp. While they're at camp, they feel like they're really connected to God and all that, but it really burns out as time goes on and even within a few days.

Based on that, I really feel that it's a better choice (for me, at least) to spend a little bit of time per day focused solely on God and just keep talking to him periodically throughout the week rather than try to go to church, listen to worship music, spend time with other Christians, etc all day on Sundays. I think that it may be one of those decisions that you have to look and see what would work best for you. I know that's a slippery slope (and can lead to the idea of subjective truth), but spending all day of one day per week devoted solely to God may not be the best choice (or even possible) for some people, depending on their circumstances.

Regardless, it's best to worship God with your regular actions. He... should be more like a best friend who's always with you or a father than like a king or the president. It feels like a lot of Christians forget that God is also a friend and not just some high and mighty ruler that we should all bow down and worship.